Losing Children

Three years ago I took my daughter on a school Scuba Diving trip.  She and her dive partner had a great time.  They were the last ones back in the boat when the group realized two of the teenagers were missing.

The Dive Masters went back into the water and the search lasted two and a half agonizing hours.  I was waiting at the dock for them to return.  We finally knew two boys were missing after they were about two hours late returning.  The Dive Master from the chartered boat finally found their bodies at the bottom of the ocean. The coast guard acquired them after they were brought up to the kids' boat.  It had a huge impact on everyone involved; as well as the family, friends, and neighbors of our rather small city.  The boys were football players at the city’s only high school.  My own daughters knew these boys since second grade.  In a small town all the kids know each other whether they are close friends or not, they know who each other is.  There wasn’t anyone in the city that was unaware of the accident and upset by it.  Many people from other cities and states also were shaken.  It even made the news across the country and we got phone calls from relatives in other states from Hawaii, Florida and Massachusetts.
 
It is so hard to know how to console children suffering from losing their friends.   It was a terrible tragedy and accident.  These things happen.  Teenagers tend to feel invincible and it is a startling experience for them to realize they are not. However, the kids organized several memorial events and for the first time the school administration was very supportive of them.  The kids did very well consoling each other and finding their own way to get closure. 

Days after this accident one of my son’s friends died in a car accident.  The third one he had lost that year.  How do you explain to kids the justification for children dying when you can’t conceive a logical explanation yourself?
 
I can not even count the number of friends my children have lost over the years.  There have been so many.  My oldest son lost his kindergarten best friend to cancer when they were in first grade.  Such a young child who suffered and died from cancer.  There is no logical explanation or way to really justify the death of a child.  While I know people resign to “God’s Will” it is still difficult to figure out why God would will such a thing.  

I suppose it isn’t our place to challenge God’s Will; but we are a rational, scientific society that has trouble accepting anything without explanations.  We can’t get closure until we have determined some sort of rationalization for it.  When there is none people speculate and try to develop their own.

In the midst of this terrifying tragedy I realized I am very fortunate.  My brother just had died that January and he is the first out of nine of us siblings to die, and he was 51.  All of us have made it to adulthood and had the chance to live before we left this world.  We have around 20 children between us all and all have been healthy and we haven’t lost any yet.  There are even fourth generation children that so far all have been healthy as well.  We are a very large family that has been very fortunate to have had little loss so far.  The youngest death I know of was at the age of forty, when my aunt died in an automobile accident.  Even all of the parents are still alive in their seventies. 
 
When I see so many children dying and my kids suffering their losses I give thanks.  Sure that sounds strange, but I have to give thanks that I have not been on the other side of the tragedies, the parents of the lost children.  My heart breaks for them and I mourn the loss of them.  It breaks my heart.  At the same time I am grateful I am not experiencing the loss of my own child.

The investigation of the accident never determined a clear understanding of what really happened to the boys.  "Diver error" was the conclusion.  No equipment failure, no foul play, no clear explanation what their error was.  Somehow both boys made a fatal mistake that cost them both their lives.

Our children are our angels.  I can't ever help but think that the children that are taken so soon in life are angels sent to us for some sort of lessons.  Their loss seems to make people reflect and sometimes motivates them to make a positive change in their own lives.  Keeping them in our hearts reminds us to cherish what we have and take stock of what is important. 

Both my daughters are much safer divers because of this tragedy.  The one that was there that day has gone on to get two more diving certifications including CPR and rescue diving.  Hopefully she will never have to use it.  However, it makes me, as mom; much more comfortable that she has the extra training for her own diving.  Since she is studying marine biology she will be diving a lot.  

It still seems like its an unjust way to teach us lessons or give us a wake up call.  I guess that's what it takes; but it is surely brutal.