Psychiatry

For the first time in my life I have submitted myself to the world of Psychiatry. Professional counseling has always been a taboo for me. It was due to working so many years in an environment that frowned on any perceived mental weakness. So I struggled on my own and tried to help myself.

The interesting developments of trying to help yourself can actually make you worse. I over analyzed and overly criticized myself. Something I have recently learned that is not healthy. My biggest problem doesn't have a fancy name; I'm basically too hard on myself. That is the root of my anxiety and depression. That is the root of my sadness and disappointment. I'm just too hard on myself.

Sounds simple, doesn't it? It's not though. I can recognized the self-incrimination rather quickly now. However, stopping it isn't as easy as it sounds. It is a battle that I have only begun and as badly as I want to change; its really much more difficult that it seems like it should be.

It is amazing how easily you can make yourself feel guilty for something. GUILT. If only there was a way to banish the way it eats at you constantly. So you find things to feel guilty about because if that knot in your stomach starts to go away you somehow feel like you need to put it back there. I can feel guilty for not feeling guilty about something. What the heck is that all about?

It's a natural poison. Children feel guilty for their parents' troubles. What is with this natural propensity to punish oneself? Why is it so hard to turn it off?